I have been thinking about the balance of life. Between its beauty and its pain - and how I can spend more of my time inside its beauty. I have spent years building a life filled with rituals, communities and people I love. My morning walk. My coffee shop. The connections I have created. Two amazing children. Old friends. New friends. None of this happened accidentally. I have deliberately created a life in which, most of the time, I feel good about myself and the world aroun

At the beginning of this year, I decided I no longer wanted to be single. So, after eight years, I began making myself emotionally available to dating again. What I didn’t understand at the time was that I was opening the door to something much larger. I was opening the door to a journey that would ultimately guide me to a deeper peace with who I am, what I am and why I am. Affectionately referred to as my six-month ‘dark night of the soul’, and the opening of myself to a muc

This year has been a revelation for me. Especially the last two months. I am discovering things about myself that have completely opened up what it means to live. And this past week, I stumbled upon something beautiful about what it means to live as yourself. It begins when you stop confusing how you feel with who you are. You can feel uncertain without becoming fearful. You can pursue success without needing it to prove your worth. You can desire intimacy and connection with

It has only been six and a half weeks since I wrote Living as Me. And yet, I feel so different. I am no longer looking to fix myself every time I feel something. Which honestly feels kind of weird. But it is something I am getting good at. Definitely better. I am still allowing myself to feel. Still experiencing the messy thoughts. But I no longer go into high alert when the old “I’m not lovable” predictive model starts playing out in my head. The old prediction still appears

For those of you who have been following my work, you will know that for years I believed understanding myself would change my life. Over those years, I learned about attachment, trauma, emotional regulation and behaviour. I became highly skilled at explaining why I thought the way I did and why I responded the way I did. Intellectually, it all made sense. But these past eight months have taught me that understanding and knowing are not the same thing. I haven’t had another i

The day I stopped trying to fix myself was the day I finally started living as me. Over the past six months, the question guiding my life has changed three times. The first question was: Why am I the way I am? That question led me into trauma, attachment, neuroscience, philosophy, grief and my own history. It became a search for understanding. I wanted to know how I had become the person I was. Then the question changed. Who am I underneath all of that? That led me somewhere

I’ve become increasingly convinced that performance isn’t usually limited by capability. It’s limited by capacity. And capacity is consumed by noise. Distractions. Endless notifications. Office politics. Overthinking. People-pleasing. The pressure to respond to everything. Every one of these steals attention. And attention is a finite resource. The highest performers aren’t always the busiest. They’re often the clearest. Performance isn’t always about adding another framework

The Last Six Months In mid-December something started to unravel inside me. Looking back now, I would describe it as the beginning of my dark night of the soul. Not because I was depressed. Not because I was broken. But because something inside of me had started to unravel. The beliefs that had organised my life for decades were no longer holding. The stories I had been telling myself about love, worthiness, validation, faith and identity were beginning to collapse. And the a

One of the reasons I created my Human Mechanics of Performance framework was to help me better understand myself by breaking down the mechanics of my own life experience. Interestingly, it has been incredibly useful - especially most recently. I am a deeply emotional person who has always felt very deeply. And the last five months have been an absolute emotional rollercoaster for me. Involving a complete re-visit and re-exploration of my core wound around abandonment and not

Why real romantic attraction begins with internal safety There is a pattern that quietly shapes many people’s lives, yet it rarely gets named. It begins in childhood. Not necessarily through dramatic trauma. More often through something quieter. A system. A system where love is subtly conditional. Where belonging is tied to behaviour. Where approval depends on compliance. You learn the rules quickly: Be good. Be useful. Do not cause problems. Serve others. Control desire. Sup

Understanding the Depth of Sorrow I’ve been thinking this morning about the emotion I tend to avoid the most: sorrow. Not the polite, conversational kind, but the deeper version. It’s the heavy, quiet ache that shows up when something doesn’t go the way you hoped. It appears when a relationship changes, when expectations collapse, or when life feels unfair or unresolved. For most of my life, I treated feelings like problems to solve or obstacles to remove. If something hurt,

After seven years, I’ve decided I don’t want to be single anymore. So, I’ve put myself back onto the market. Which, in practical terms, means dating apps (which, by the way, are the worst), and maybe trying something different like Table for Six — which I haven’t done yet, but can’t possibly be a worse experience than dating apps. Putting myself back out there has been interesting, not just because of the thought of dating itself, but because it’s forced me to look more close

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I was out walking this morning, and as always, my mind started to wander. After 20 minutes, I noticed that my thoughts were centred...